A place to share struggles and triumphs, a place to bless and serve - but never a place to murmur or complain. 

Thursday, February 14, 2008

"It is well with my soul"

Life has been a real struggle for me lately. Once again, without realizing it, I've piled on way more than I can handle. When my world and peace began to unravel, I figured there was something wrong with me. Life stopped being fun, I was running and running. I started feeling more and more desperate. I would go to sleep dreading the morning, and wake up feeling the same way. Last week was the worst. I was in the middle of an impossibly busy day, grocery shopping. I only got through half of my list, when I knew I needed to go home. I just couldn't start crying in the middle of the store! That day, I began a total and complete flake-out. No mutual, no song practice, no karate the next day. You know what? The world didn't end- it felt soooo good! Then my husband went out of town and came back just in time to start another grueling week. I had a house guest the entire time he was gone. When life got hard, I felt so alone. I felt embarrassed really confiding in anyone. I hated the thought that anyone would judge me, and wonder why I couldn't handle life. I really wanted to be able to just smile, and get everything done that I thought I should. I kept asking the Lord to bless me with that. It makes me smile now, to realize I was asking the Lord to let me run faster than I had strength. He needed to let me buckle under the weight I'd put on myself before I'd be willing to put anything down. I'm there now, I'm plenty willing! An amazing thing happened to me this morning: my visiting teacher (who is moving out of the country today) called and told me she was bringing me dinner. She woke up at three this morning, and knew what she needed to do for me. She didn't know I'd been falling apart. I came upon this song on someone's blog today, and it's just wrapped me in the peace that Heavenly Father had to wait to give me. With this beautiful song, and a loving gesture, I feel so warm, safe, and loved. Like the song says, "It is well with my soul."

4 comments:

jenny mae. said...

sometimes it is so hard, but we need to hear it. oh that version is by the innocence mission by the way

Abby said...

You got it! You win the prize! Everything should be smooth sailing from here on out!
I know it sounds really simplistic, but it's such an important lesson - and once you really learn it, it is a very firm foundation.

kersten campbell said...

I am so glad I checked out your other blog! It is so beautiful! Would you mind if I gave it my first "Oustanding Motherhood Link" award on my new website for the humor book? I am trying to do a Motherhood Support Center to uplift women and this blog would be so perfect as a link in there. (www.kerstencampbell.com)
Kersten
email me at kersten4@juno.com
Sorry I didn't know another way to get a hold of you...

EarlGirl said...

Sorry, Jenny Mae, I should have credited your blog as my source! I added a link to fix it. I just love reading your thoughts and listening to the songs you have from time to time.